sing me your good songs and I'll show you my sad ones. I always run out of words and all I do is mutter until my words fade into the sunlight. always and for ever I forget what I was supposed to say and it never really did matter. the passing days are all the same and I noticed it now that I thought that I had my ducks in a row. what an epic fail or was it irony. its always too easy to hide myself behind the lines of mysterious words that never truly come out right. why do I always find myself patronizing and judging people I really do not care about. I see it all - at least I think that I do but we'll never know for sure. it's always easier to spew long and meaningful sentences that lose their point by the time it takes to finish them and hide myself. hide knowledge? hide apathy? do we really need self analysis when all we find is mistakes and fractures in our pretty facades. it's not a question. I know the answer but I don't need these questions yet. it's always easy to find answers but getting the questions right is another thing. yes - we all know that.
but the tricky part is finding the new words to say. we have all heard the good songs and we all have sad songs to sing. this is why we all love the sad songs. they remind us what we have been spared from... and we see that we aren't doing too bad at all. well... most of the times. and yet - where are the new words that we need.
I know I have them but I never get them on paper. maybe it's because I'm not writing on paper and the white glow of a square box scares my deepest thoughts away. I hate to write about myself although I'm one of the vainest people I know. maybe I'm overdoing it then. everything I know is about me and everything I see is a reflection of my own thoughts or was it the opposite - my thoughts are an instant reflection on what ever I see. being slightly boarder-lined comes with the territory I guess. I always thought that I have a lot to say because people love to see me speak, act, crack jokes, open myself but... maybe they are all greedy cunts like myself and like to be worshiped and expect the same from me. we all love to be adored and admired but here's the thing - I hate it. am I the only one who sees that it's a responsibility? maybe the fools need their gods and the simple minded just have fun with their lives. what am I? is there some truth behind some lines for that too? why is the truth always hidden between the lines and why do I always find myself writing down idiotic thoughts that nobody really seems to read or care about. are we depressed? me and my multiple personalities that is.
and I pretty much forgot what I wanted to say. maybe it's because I don't have anything to say anyway. that's life and so typical of me - "wants to be", "was", "maybe one day will be" but I'm always in between. between the lines, hiding in sentences that never really mean anything. they never will and they never did. it's just words. all it matters is how they illuminate our minds and reflect in our thoughts.
this message will self-destruct in 10..., 9..., 8..., 7..., ...
1 comment:
yet like you said once, when writing in foreigner langauge it starts to dictate what you are thinking and often the true thoughts never come out. It happens also while writing in your own langauge. I guess it might come from the fact that a native langauge has many (some language less) different stages where you can speak. Basically if my idea for a post would be to talk about what I'm thinking, but I'm writing it in a 3rd person view or more polite (considering the readers feelings), then the true thing you actually feel never comes out, does it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, next time write in estonian and exactly on the stage where the feelings are coming from. ofcourse you might know this all already, but you know me.. I always want to help, even if it is not needed.
Post a Comment